How far we've come.

Change of template is impending...Arsenal was and forever will be a big part of my life, but well, there are bigger stuff in store for me, and so I feel it should be reflected through my blog too. The team may be struggling on the pitch now, but the club still endears so fondly to me for one who sticks firmly to it's beliefs and philisophy, both in terms of football (joga bonito!) and in terms of the business side of the game-long term development, investing in youth rather than take massive debt to buy big-name players- and until that stops, Arsenal is the only club I truly support. (Btw, it has been reported that EPL clubs have amassed approx. 3b in debt. May not sound big but when you consider the most expensive transfer ever is still 'only' 34M odd for Robinho, you really wonder how on earth the debts came about!)

So anyway, this temporary skin of nothingness shall serve me for time being. When I look back, I will remember only the content, so let's focus on the content. Looking back on the year, time really flies. All those times I had pledged to myself that 'there would be sufficient time to brush up everything' - with regards to tidying up my room, arranging my notes, worksheets and other pieces of paper, getting myself fit and able to run faster (I haven't been able to), having a good grasp of most of the syllabus, backing up my files, and finishing the Bible - have all turned out to be empty talk. It's already October, in less than a month's time, 'A' levels will be begin; in less than 2 months' time, it will be over. So would the US presidency. So would (hopefully) the global financial-snowballed-into-economic crisis, and Arsenal's premier league hunt (hopefully not). It would seem that, the world would come to a standstill for many of us, very very soon. All the things we wanted to do, we would be able to finally do. Or would we?

Truth is, we never will. For it is human nature that makes us just always want to do that extra bit more, that time inevitably restricts. For the people in this world with 'good' time management, they manage to do a lot, and they will very likely achieve a lot, and they will be perceived as having been successful, when deep down, every one of them will have felt that there was that something extra that should have been done. I remember watching many people interviewed on TV programmes, mostly successful people, and when asked if there was something they could have changed about the way they spent their lives up prior to that day itself, there are of course the usual 'big mistakes' they made in the past, but by and large most of them would not change anything because of the experiences they have gone through, and the mistakes they've made have contributed to that experience. In a way, you have to agree with that - there is so much that can be changed, but if you had the opportunity to turn back time and change things, there would have been that extra thing that needed to be changed.

1. [Philippians 3:13] But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

The past really doesn't matter as much anymore. I know of a lot of people who hang on to their past. If their past was bad, they always like to refer back to it and show how much they have grown since then. I think it's a great reminder and comforter when they need it, but really, we should always be looking ahead. Then there are people who have had an excellent past, and they pride themselves on it. It's perfectly permissible, so long as they themselves don't get caught up in it that it distracts them from looking ahead and striving for their best possible future.

Noticed I've used the word 'they' above. This has been something on my mind too, and admittedly I think I'm very guilty of both in various aspects of my life. I always think about when I had the first breakthrough in an area, and then think forward from there, and I realise that very often, nothing really follows it much. And in light of what I've said, I think it speaks of me being quite the hypocrite. Argh, placing God's agenda as my first priority seems to be a basic problem that always comes back to be something I'm guilty of. This month will be a good opportunity for me to tackle it head on again. Once again, being a CL has been such an undeserved privilege through these times, it has ensured that I'm very quickly put back on track everytime I lose my focus. I think a good judge of a leader is how one would react if he/she didn't have the position or isn't recognised as one. I'm pretty sure Gallas would sulk till the cows come home. Stefani Schaeffer did not, despite being on a show where it is so tempted to overdo things will attempting to impress your team and your boss. And because of that, she won the Apprentice. I think in the next month or do, as a j2 I will be given quite a lot of leeway. Studying will become a big part of my ministry, and I will very likely not be pushed or challenged as much as I have been. It is all quite scary, and I don't think past experience counts for anything. It will be an all new battle, and a very tough one. Inevitably, I will come out of saying I could have handled my time better during this period. But I don't want to be sorry to myself for bringing others down with me. It's really all up to myself now, and I'd best start preparing my heart right now.

I think my heart can be described as having goosebumps as I type this - a sense of anxiety tinged with that of thrill and excitement. It's like the day before an exam. You just can't get it out of your head that you can't bring yourself to do anything until it's over. So bring on the next month man!

**On a side note, here's another of the type of articles that really sparked my interest in economics, statistics, and to a certain extent, psychology. Whoever's reading this, let's not stop fighting the fight! Know what you're fighting for, be it As, uni stuff, NS stuff, outreaching, and forever remind yourself of it everytime doubt and/or the thought of giving up creeps in.